Something worth fighting for
by Spindelhona
Summary: Homage to Wolfy Tales I found you missing. This is my version of Kakashi Hatakes' side of the story: War's ugly. But so is Life. You have to remind yourself there's still things worth fighting for. Assuming there is. Unless they're all dead and you're practically homeless. And yet, you have to carry on. You're needed. Is that enough?


This is a continuation of and a tribute to Wolfy Tales "_I found you missing_". Haven't red it? Go read! This universe is therefore not my original work. My interpretation of it is though.

I claim no rights to Naruto or the original story concept.

This is M and not for lemon.

War's ugly.

But so is life.

Kakashi Hakate let out a silent sigh and forcefully pushed his dark thoughts aside, turning his gaze towards the caravan of people – no, soldiers – slowly making their way towards the moldy, stinky, dirty, dreary base camp. A new batch of soldiers; the first generation to be trained one- on-one and thus carrying a beacon of hope for victory in this endless, death-filled war against a mad man.

Not that Kakashi could see any of that hope on these soldiers faces. If anything, the very sight of the camp seemed to disappoint them, as if they had believed the scene of battle to be made of gold and rainbows.

Or maybe they were just tired?

But if the simple march from Konoha to here was enough to make them look so weary, and in some cases downright intimidated or scared, Kakashi would rather just send them all back home.

But it wasn't his call.

Barley past his mid-twenties, Kakashi Hatake was born at war's gate. As if sensing the need, he had been blessed with a natural genius; taking to shinobi life as a fish to water.

Not without some stumbles, though.

Kakashi felt his hand twitch as he refused to touch his left eye. Stumbles, indeed.

There were too many dark thoughts today.

And then the new soldiers arrived and Kakashi got busy for several long hours. A bunch of them were to be under his command, working in his team, and it was up to him to brief them.

To familiar his new soldiers with this lackluster place where glory was but a myth.

…

It was night-time when Kakashi finally headed towards his tent. As a high ranked jōnin and also team captain he had the privilege of his own tent, although it was not secluded as the generals. Instead, his and other jōnins' tents functioned as a barrier of sorts, facing the threat of Madara and his creatures. When attacked, the seasoned jōnins and team leaders would buy time for the higher-ups and other soldiers to organize themselves. Cannon fodder, yes, but mostly because that was the most likely way to save as many lives as possible. The two times they had tried it had worked quite well, as shown by the blood, gore and holes in the tents. After all, the camp was still THERE.

And it reeked.

"Home sweet home…" murmured Kakashi to himself.

"And a good home it is!" a boisterous voice answered him.

Kakashi turned his head slightly to the left, allowing him to take in a vision of a green-clad man sitting in the opening of a tent, his one leg stretched out and the other knee up, allowing him to lean on it. The man's smile would fit right in on a ride on a merry-go-round, and thus couldn't be more out of place than here.

"Gai." Kakashi nodded to his friend and headed his way.

Gai got up on his feet, meeting him.

"Kakashi- my rival!" Gai let out, enthusiastically. "I have today met my new team, and they brought such fine tales of our home! Have you heard?"

Kakashi blinked once, his one visible eye gazing lazily at his friend. Gai had tears forming in his eyes, and seemed to be one second from hugging him, so Kakashi smoothly leaned away, letting his feet slide slightly backwards while saying:

"I haven't heard anything I wasn't expecting."

Gai, who had missed his small movements, found himself reaching for and miss his friend's shoulders and had to regain his balance, half fuming.

"Oh, how hip of you, Hatake Kakashi! But I shall then assume your team just didn't divulge as much to you as mine did to me!" Gai declared.

That was entirely possible, Kakashi decided. After all, he had not encouraged his team to talk at all. His main priority had been to give them the information needed for them to not die instantly - preferably not at all, but he knew better that to wish for the impossible. Keeping his silence, Kakashi waited for Gai to continue, which he did with a huff.

"I was told that there are two miracle children in our very village right now. An Uchiha with powers promising to one day rival Madara's, and a boy, a jinchuuriki no less, who seems to be able to really use the biju's power! Given time, these two might be our saviors in this war!"

As Gai raised his voice, Kakashi's eyes widened in alarm. Fast as lightning he stepped up to his friend and put a hand to his mouth, sealing it shut. Looking around to see if anyone had been listening, Kakashi hissed to Gai:

"Information like that should NOT be discussed on unsecured ground. You know better, Gai!"

Gais gaze reflected his panic as the implication of a possible spy overhearing this hit his brain. Information like that would bring war to Konoha. The sole point of them being out here was to protect Konoha. It worked only because Madara really saw neither them nor Konoha as a threat to his plans, but given reason, he wouldn't hesitate to attack.

And with Konoha falling, there would no longer be any reason for them to fight.

Gai nodded and Kakashi released him, fairly certain no one had heard their conversation but still on edge. The dark thoughts had a way of nestling in his mind these days.

Gai coughed and regained his bearings, reaching for something inside his vest pocket.

"On another note," he said awkwardly, "this came for you today. It's from the exchange program. Again."

Kakashi stared at the letter Gai held out and received it with a sigh. Not again.

Seeing the clear slump in his friend posture, Gai, quickly added: "But perhaps it's someone better this time. I got a new one too, from a young boy it seems, and I must say his youthful epistles and encouragements went straight to my heart!"

Squeezing Kakashis shoulder vigorously, Gai bid his farewell and left, heading for the canteen. Kakashi remained standing with the letter in his hand, before he sighed again and went to his tent.

As if the dreadful weather, the hard life, the constant losses of peers and the ever-present filth wasn't enough, the letter exchange program was invented to really hammer in how utterly awful Kakashis life was. Despite him being out in war, saving and protecting so many people in so many ways, he had absolutely no one close of his own. No one. And these letters made sure he wouldn't forget that.

Well, at least it was something to read.

Sitting cross-legged on his futon, Kakashi opened the letter, instantly recognizing a woman's style in writing. Elegant, thought through, with careful choice of wording.

And absolutely pointless.

Kakashi folded the letter and threw it, letting it land wherever it may. This, like the other letters he had received, was clearly written by yet another housewife feeling loss of everyday drama in the now rather slow village life. Kakashi knew there would be at least two more letters from this person, and then they would probably stop writing. The first letter was always more or less bland. Then came the second, where the confessions began. Of how they felt close to him despite the fact he never wrote back and they couldn't know he even was a "he". Of how mysterious and cool he must be for not responding, for being a tragic character with no close kin, for being able to fight the war for so long. Surely he longed for love? Then: the third letter, where the writer more or less demanded of him to write back. Because they wrote out their hearts, he had to respond – right? Despite de fact that Kakashi never asked anyone to write, he got plenty scorned for not writing back. Selected few wrote him yet more letters, but often those had been screened and blocked out and edited to a point where it was obvious that the writer no longer had the well-being of the reader in mind.

Well. Two more and this remembrance of hell would be over.

…

Or not.

…

Kakashi came back from scouting over a year later and eagerly returned to his tent. It was a good day; the rain drizzled just a bit, no one had gotten killed and they had a new lead to Madara's whereabouts. And if Kakashi wasn't entirely mistaken, there should be a letter waiting for him.

Because the girl – and it obviously was a girl – had not stopped writing to him.

At first, it had bothered Kakashi. The girl wrote about uninteresting stuff, a juvenile love of all things, about her struggles in day-to-day-life which involved how to make her hair look good and whether she ate too much candy or not. And this was supposed to be a kuinochi of the academy? And those codenames… Sunflower friend, Sun and Moon friend?

Even so, she hadn't given Kakashi any code name yet. It was sort of a bummer, but expected.

No one had been more shocked than Kakashi the day the nameless girl had divulged the fact that Tsunade, the hokage herself, would be her tutor. But then again, a person who continued to write for such a long time to a person they didn't even know in hope that their words could provide some sort of comfort had to be tedious… or insane.

Or incredibly kind.

Kakashi had begun to save some of the letters. Some days and nights when his dark thoughts refused to leave him, he would indulge in rereading her words, trying to picture her face. He imagined clear eyes and light hair, a slightly round face since she still was quite young. Surely she had to have a childlike laugh too?

That in itself was a reminder that his hard work was not in vain. There were precious people in Konoha, people he had yet to see – to meet – but they were there.

She was there.

Happy to receive yet another reminder, Kakashi looked around in his tent. Gai or some other jōnin normally left her envelopes on his bedroll, but it was empty. Frowning, Kakashi searched for a bit.

No letter.

Why?

…

Kakashi was in a bad mood. The postilion had come as usual. Gai had gotten a letter from his mystery pen pal, orders had been received – apparently Kakashi was up for a promotion shortly. General. Who'd thunk? – but there hadn't been a letter from his girl. And of course no one could know why.

Had she grown tired of writing? But it had been such a long time, why now? She hadn't implied any of the sort in her last letter, rather ended it with "Until next time".

Had she been hindered? She did have a lot to do as Tsunade's apprentice, but if she had been able to write every week so far, why not this one?

Could she possibly have died?

Kakashi grit his teeth together. This was a kind of stress he did not need!

Following a sudden impulse, Kakashi took a paper and quickly scribbled down:

**Why did you stop writing?**

Kakashi stared at his words. Should he write more? But no, that was his main concern. And he couldn't very well sign with his name, so he drew a scarecrow instead. It was more or less the same.

Then he sent the letter off and waited. He had already decided not to worry for yet another week or two. He had to give her time to reply first.

If she didn't, he had to face that pain then.

…

But she responded. And what a response!

Despite his new rank – Kakashi was now a general, and it was implied that he would rise even further in rank in due time; it was just the matter of appearance that needed to be kept intact. No one was to think Tsunade had been playing favors, because she hadn't. Kakashi was just that good. But despite the rank of general, Kakashi found himself degraded and sorely lacking. Well, at least concerning letter-writing.

_Hubris: look it up. _

HA!

And Scarecrow… she got it almost right. Genius among mortals… yeah, that struck a chord, that too.

But could she really have pink hair?

Kakashi hastily schooled his face when he heard someone approach his tent. He quickly folded the letter and put it back in the envelope, letting his thumb slide over its surface to make sure the sakura blossom was still there before he let the letter slide down in his pocket.

It was a messenger.

"General. All higher ups need to assemble immediately! Madara's creatures are coming!"

…

It was several days later, after a long healing session that still left him more or less drained of chakra and energy, that Kakashi, after re-reading his girl's latest letter for the umpteenth time, decided to write her back. Her letters were all sweet in their nature, especially the one where she had been raving about a new yoghurt flavor (Kakashi had never even tasted yoghurt and had no idea what to think of it), but it was the spunk and spark her righteous anger had brought forth in her previous letter Kakashi liked the most. Looking back on some of her other epistles, she had shown her witty side quite a lot even before. It was just well hidden behind her overflowing kindness.

He wanted more of that. The spunk, the spark and the kindness.

Also, there was a slight risk that his girl wouldn't be writing him anymore if he didn't write back, now knowing he was able to. And Kakashi really didn't want her to stop. Over five years at war, and this was his one bright constant. He needed to safeguard that.

But what could he write?

Deciding that the blunt truth had worked well before, Kakashi stuck to it this time too.

**I have never had any family or friends to write back to. They are all either dead or here. Excuse my inability.**

Well, wasn't that lively?

Off it goes.

…

Kakashi's right foot looked like a blood-filled barf, so he did his best not to look at or think about it. The pain was a matter on its own, though.

"The medics are on their way. Just keep still for a while longer!" Gai encouraged him.

"Yeah, boss. We can manage." Pakkun added.

So Kakashi continued to just let his pain sweat out while he lay on the filthy ground, his leg propped up upon the bodies of some of his loyal ninken.

He wondered if his girl (the one with hair the same color as a flower) felt this kind of pain when she broke her hands. Was it worse?

It had startled Kakashi to realize that perhaps the once seemingly ditzy girl he was writing with was actually serious about becoming a ninja. Somehow, he had believed Tsunade to pity the girl and thus intended to gentle steer her towards the medic aspect alone. Maybe he was wrong?

But Kakashi hadn't heard anyone speak of a new apprentice of Tsunade yet. Not the way rumors constantly trickled down about the two wonder boys Gai had mentioned long ago; it was one of the most well-known secrets of all. But it was just rumors. And they were just boys. Just children.

Like his girl.

_I feel like this is a very personal endeavor from me to you._

"Here's the medic!" Gai shouted, relieved. Kakashi sighed and fainted.

Days later he wrote:

**When I was promoted to jōnin I took on a mission that got my teammate killed. My happiest memory was realizing, as he died, that he was my best friend. I had not realized how much I loved and appreciated him until that moment. **

**My second happiest memory was realizing I loved the girl who had made herself die at my hand. She was the girl my best friend loved and who I'd promised to protect right before he died. **

**Please don't ask about my parents. **

**I warned you I was bad at this.**

Kakashi stared at the letter. That was a whole lot of truth, and it was ugly. But what else could he say? He really wanted to show his hair-like-a-flower-girl that her openness was received and appreciated, and how better than to equal it?

But even so…

Kakashi sealed the letter and sent it off, dispelling all doubts.

If anyone deserved to receive his upfront truths, it was her. He had faith she could take it.

…

The next letter made Kakahi's heart plummet. Tsunade had no doubt her apprentice would make chūnin, which said something about the girl's skill. It was also a reminder for Kakashi that hi – the girl only was thirteen years old.

Kakashi had just turned twenty-seven and was celebrating six something years in war and one year as a general – more or less. And somehow during this letter exchange, he had forgotten that hi – the girl was exactly that – a girl. In his mind, she had become someone older. Her words, thoughts and wit all pointed to that; she did not seem to be thirteen in her letters.

But she was.

Not that that changed anything between them. Her letters were still the highlight of Kakashi's week, and he wouldn't trade them for anything. She still held his trust. He just had to reimagine her to his inner eye; remind himself that she wasn't the adult he sometimes pictured, but a child.

Kakashi knew by personal experience that children can be quite mature, however.

The very thought of her paying respect for his fallen friends just because they were _his_ friends, when in reality she hadn't even met him made something in his jaded mind thaw a bit.

He spontaneously wrote his response, but distractions prevented it from being sent off immediately:

**I can't write as fast as you, and there's not much I can tell about here other than the food is horrible. I do enjoy reading, but all my books are ruined by the rain and mold. **

**He'll like getting flowers from a girl. He would also be the one needing his leg reattached like that boy. Congratulations on that. **

Kakashi wondered if she ever broke her fingers again, and if so, could she heal them herself by now? If she could reattach a leg…

Kakashi fell asleep thinking of his – the – girl and slept well until he got brusquely woken up and proceeded to lead an army of men towards death and an uncertain victory.

…

"I find it highly unfair that you don't share!" Gai proclaimed. "You, hip and cool general Kakashi, can't be associated with love in any way! I, however, am the embodiment of love; the vessel, the very essence of love: YOUTH! The one most fit for that book is I!" Gai loudly exclaimed.

Kakashi raised his gaze to his agitated friend, pondered about his proposition and calmly stated:

"No."

"AAAAH!" Gai screamed, pulling his hair in frustration. "I have no other choice!"

Kakashi tensed. Would he be attacked?

"I shall immediately write my exchange partner and ask for a book myself!" Gai decided, making a fist in an "It's decided"-pose before he stomped away from the clearing.

Kakashi relaxed. Oh well.

This was after all her own precious book, and she joked about getting it back after the war. Kakashi had no such illusions, but he enjoyed to use Pakkun to confirm that the book indeed had her scent, just as the letters. She wasn't lying.

It really was a personal endeavor from her to him.

And she wanted to make him a scarf. She'd make one just for him, as he wanted it.

Someone making something just for him. Just to make him happy.

Kakashi was pretty sure his girl had no idea what this meant to him.

Dark clouds began to gather at the horizon. The few hours of somewhat sun was over, and Kakashi sat up and left his tree, his movements stiff from yesterday's fights. The would-be meadow was more or less a field of mushrooms due to the ever present rain and the darkness that came with it.

Kakashi decided to include that in the letter he wrote her back later on.

**It's really dreary around here (the mushrooms love it) so something bright and soft. Yellow if you can manage it? I enjoyed the book. **

Kakashi obviously associated pink with his girl, but he wasn't a pink kind of guy. Any green would make Gai proclaim rights, and white would turn red way too fast. And he missed the sun.

…...

"Hatake, where's the scarf you got?" a taunting voice let out.

"Yeah, didn't your little pen pal make it so you could be target practice? You have to wear it for it to work!" another followed up.

"YOU…!" Gai shouted, fisting his hands in anger, but Kakashi held him back.

"Leave it be. They just arrived, what do they know?" Kakashi asked rhetorically. "This is just one of many ways to try to minimize my authority. You know things like these happen, Gai."

Gai grounded his teeth together and bit back a curse. He knew Kakashi was right. Kakashi sighed and continued:

"It's just too bad that soldiers like those can't be trusted to follow orders… that's why they all have to stay on guard duty or sanitary posts." With this line, Kakashi's one visible eye gave the offending pair a tale-telling glare. The alpha of the pair huffed up and spat out:

"Are you threatening us?"

"No." Kakashi calmly said. "But I am a general. I am responsible for several lives. You know nothing of me as a person, as a ninja, or as a leader, but you know much enough to want to gain popularity scores on my head. And I won't accept it, because when battle strikes I need to know that everyone knows what to do and WHO TO LISTEN TO. And I assure you, if you threaten that balance, I'll make sure no one can ever mistake it to be you."

With a last glare, Kakashi slid away from the scene. Gai followed perplexed after.

"That wasn't your hip self, Kakashi." Gai pointed out. "What was that?"

"…"

"Kakashi?"

"Nothing."

Kakashi felt the heat of a vivid goldenrod scarf press against his chest and stomach, safe away from all eyes and judgment. It had a wonderful smell; a fragrance of a living person; his girl, and he wanted to keep it close. But clearly he could not use it. It had been bad enough that the controllers had written on the envelope: "Contains a yellow hand knitted scarf". That way everyone knew it had been checked, which was as it should, but everyone also knew what it was, which wasn't as amusing.

Gai cleared his throat.

"Asuma wanted Kurenai to send him something she had made. He wanted the smell and feel of her, he said, especially now when her pregnancy might have changed her scent. You know what she sent him?" Gai paused, waiting for Kakashi to guess. When he didn't, Gai continued:

"Asuma was hoping for lingerie, youthful man that he is. What he got was a demand. He's to send her two shirts first, one used and one clean. Then she'll wear the clean and send it back."

Kakashi frowned.

"But Asuma can't send packages – no one is allowed to…" Kakashi's voice trailed off as he understood what was implied. Gai nodded.

"She won't send him anything. She knows it would just be a distraction and a reminder, as do most of our relatives. You, however, got something so personal – from a person you haven't even met! Some jealousy is to be expected." Gai stated.

Kakashi sighed and let the topic die out.

"Gai, in the next raid, I want you and Raido to lead…"

Much later Kakashi wrote:

**The scarf is perfect and all my comrades are envious. I suggest Mr. Ukki. **

…...

It had too many eyes, too much reach, too much speed and too many talons. Oh, and too many teeth. Way too many teeth. Not that Kakashi could see them all; the blood of his fallen soldiers stained the creature's mouth and obscured his view.

War's ugly, but having to see your own get eaten alive went way beyond ugly and into the land of sick and twisted.

And more was coming.

Kakashi mentally slapped himself and got up and ready, quickly taking an once-over of his surroundings. Most of the scouts stood in paralyzed fright, eyes transfixed on the still chewing monster; some jōnins on the left flank was preparing explosives in a shallow bunker and both Gai's and Raido's teams were closing in on them. There was a possibility of victory here, if he could get his men to work together.

Kakashi raised his voice and let out his command.

…...

_I'm sorry for feeling so nostalgic today, and if it's painful for you to think about, but I realized the other day that it's now been about three years since that first letter to you. _

Three years. Could that really be right?

Kakashi lay on his stomach on a hospital bed. During the latest battle he had gotten bitten badly by a creature. That in itself was bad, and the fact that he stayed alive was a blessing in itself, but did he have to get bitten in the ass?

As soon as he was out of death's claws, it had been the yellow scarf all over again.

The teasing. The questions.

Well, considering the monsters often were giant size, it wasn't too strange for people to wonder how the hell he had gotten his ass bitten, but still. Everyone knew he works with his nindogs; wasn't it obvious he had protected one of them? That was why the monster operated in that height to begin with.

And the scarf was long gone, used to stop the flow of blood from a friend who still bled out.

Three years.

How old was she now then? Nearly fifteen, right? Yes, she must be fifteen now. His girl with flowery pink hair and a scent of kindness and fatigue and stress. Training daily, saving lives daily, worrying about her friends daily. Worrying about him daily.

If this awful war continues to drag out like this, she'll be sent here.

Kakashi made a low, painful sound as his body tensed in response to his wayward thought. Stupid. She wasn't even jōnin yet; there would be years and years before she'd be sent!

Besides, maybe he could help win this was before that time. That would have been preferable.

**I have never written about the war because there is nothing to say about that. I grew up in the beginnings of it and I'm just living through it. I will be fine. I always have been.**

There. That should placate her curiosity, right?

Heh.

…..

Kakashi fought on. He led his men through battle after battle, made new battle-plans, organized and educated new recruits. Once a week he got a letter from his flower, nowadays always with a book included since that time she used all of her salary on buying old neglected books just to send to him.

And of cause it had been noticed. Kakashi couldn't keep all of the books to himself after all, despite his teasing. Some light reading was just the thing many soldiers needed to unwind, to get their minds off the ugliness of war. For them close to Kakashi, it was also noticeable in the restlessness he often showed if he was away from base camp on a Wednesday, the day the postilion normally came. It wasn't much, just a bit cut off in his tone; a bit more strict in his posture; nothing that could be pointed out if not seen by eyes who knew where to look.

Gai never called him out on it despite making spontaneous odes to youth.

Raido laughed his ass off. "Better than gettin' it bitten!" was his new motto.

Asuma said nothing, but shared pictures of Kurenai and their little one whenever he got new ones.

And this time when Kakashi came back, he had gotten an unusual shipment besides his girl's weekly letter: a letter from Tsunade. She, as hokage, wrote to all her generals on a regular basis, but this seemed to be something else.

Kakashi looked at the envelope where it was written: "Contains photographs". Curious, he opened it up, starting with reading Tsunade's note.

_**Kakashi. **_

_**Things are starting to make sense now. Maybe it'll soon be time to enlighten the world? While waiting for that time, allow yourself to look at these photographs and remember better times. Feel free to share with friends if you are so inclined. **_

_**Tsunade. **_

Kakashi had to admire Tsunade. It was a both obvious and hidden message. Anyone stealing these photographs would realize the people in the pictures were important, but the pictures themselves were all taken in casual instances leaving a heap of possible doubt open. It was only four photographs, the first one showed two boys eating ramen at a stand; one with golden hair, the other with black. You could only see their backs, but Kakashi memorized their height, posture and hairdos. The second one was of Tsunade screaming at the goldhaired boy, while he pouted like a grumpy child while the black haired kid stood close by, smirking. Kakashi made sure to notice the whisker-like lines in the boy's face. And… as a Sharingan-user himself, he could see that the dark-haired boy had some extraordinary set of eyes. Daring of Tsunade to send that… but needed for planning. It wouldn't be noticed by anyone not looking for it anyway, and Kakashi would destroy these photos as soon as the other higher-ups had seen them. The third one showed Tsunade discussing something with Iruka, the two boys goofing around with several others in the background. That said something about character and friendship. And the fourth and final picture: Tsunade and Shizune holding up the sign for victory on each side of an uncomfortable looking young woman with pink hair. This photo was obviously a decoy to throw an eventual spy off track, since Tusnade and Shizune already was well-known and the pink-haired woman -

Kakashi felt his whole body freeze.

Pink hair.

…

He couldn't keep the photograph. It was destroyed with the rest of them as soon as all higher-ups had seen them. But knowing what she looked like (who else would have pink hair and hang around Tsunade?) changed something in Kakashi.

Instead of merely read her letters, he found himself imagine her say the words, trying to visualize her going through different moods. How would she look laughing?

At the same time, Madara had found out something was up and intensified his attacks, giving Kakashi more to do than ever. Discussing tactics, leading battles, get stitched up and write his girl lengthy letters. He had no other way to channel the restless energy he had gotten from knowing how she looked, from dreaming of talking to her.

It was Pakkun that had suggested her as the ninken's new owner should something happen to him.

"You won't live forever, no matter what," he'd said, "and I an' the boys have still a lot to give. It would mean a lot for us to be able to be there for your girl in your stead."

His decision to bestow the power over his ninken to a stranger via letter did not go unnoticed. After years of neglect, Kakashi suddenly had an appointment for a psych evaluation which of course turned out spotless.

But the various opinions remained.

"Fair's fair!" Raido would sing out. "She got you a library. Unleashing the hounds on her is the least you can do!"

"I, too, should think about my legacy!" Gai proclaimed. "The knowledge I have must be bestowed upon coming generations and not be lost here!"

"Smart. I'd done the same for Kurenai if I could." Asuma muttered, catching Kakashi off guard.

It wasn't the same. Kurenai and Asuma had a child together and shared a love no marriage could guarantee; a love built on mutual trust in a world full of evil. He and his girl…

Kakashi shook his head. He couldn't keep referring to her as his girl. It didn't sound right. Not when she called him Scarecrow, which basically was his true name. And he needed to give her a nickname in his letters, soon; she had hinted that he perhaps had a lack of imagination considering the time it took him to give her a nickname.

But he had no idea what her name was, and he so wanted to be able to impress her. He didn't want to give her a gag nickname like "Hime" or something.

But what if that was her name?

Kakashi erased those thoughts, realizing he had embraced his inner teenager a bit too much there. Back on track.

He associated her with flowers, though. She often wrote about flower festivals and that first pressed flower, the sakura, was still in his possession. Perhaps… Flower would be good?

He believed she would like it. And yet he did not dare to use it in his letters, but in thoughts only.

Time dragged on and she turned sixteen and sent him her birthday gift.

Porn.

It was porn. Good porn. With a good romance to boot!

Kakashi got so excited he forgot to say congratulations in his answering letter and had to redeem himself in the next one instead.

She made sure to point out that his situation was quite difficult so that basic politeness might be too much to be expected at this point, but also implied he was too much of an old pervert to even remember how to.

Oh, the sass!

…

The afterslaughter. The duty to go around and killing off the ones dying, be it friend or foe, to make sure no one remained or was left suffering. It was one of many things slowly breaking Kakashi Hatake, and today he had to do it. The remaining survivors of his scouting team was too wounded or too traumatized to do it. He had to.

And it took two hours. In the dark. After a long battle where he too had gotten injured.

When he came back, there was a letter. Despite his fatigue and depression, he decided to read it since it was from his Flower.

And plummeted even further down in depression.

Jōnin. She had made jōnin now.

The "My Scarecrow" in the beginning of the letter warmed his heart. They had a connection that had grown strong through the years, and he knew she had to feel it too, but it was still elation in itself to see her acknowledge it. And she seemed to be an absolutely adorable drunk. Her handwriting was not sloppy, but slightly off – just a little here and there. And her tone was more intimate.

She "likes him quite a lot". That is too precious.

But she made jōnin.

Kakashi wanted to give a proper response to her invites, even though she was drunk writing them, but concerning this, there was one important message he needed to make sure she got.

**They'll try sending you out here now. Promise me you won't go. **

And, as an afterthought, realizing he gave too much up about his own feelings about this war, Kakashi added:

**Hope the headache wasn't too bad. **

…...

Kakashi's dark days continued. His everyday life was full of death, and his Flower refused to promise him she wouldn't go. He knew that they really needed a medic of her caliber, and if she really could start earthquakes, she'd be a valuable contribution to this war.

But then she would surely die.

Kakashi could not bear to think of her dead.

He knew himself he loved her. Knowing how she looked made it easier, but it was her personality, her fighting spirit, her honesty and genuine kindness hidden behind her spunk and sass he loved. Like a beautiful rose with thorns. His Flower.

He could not stand the thought of her, dying in this filth.

**You need to promise me.**

The dark days dragged on.

…...

When her promise to not volunteer came, Kakashi was recovering from being disemboweled among other things and had to let Gai argue for his right to read and respond to her letter. He himself could not talk, because his jaw had just recently been put back into place – the monsters had done their very best to kill him - but Gai knew what her letters meant to his comrade.

"I tell you!" he had said, with vigor, "I tell you, that this letter contains the strength our general desperately needs right now. Let him read!"

"But he can't even hold the letter up himself! Or do you suggest someone will read it for him?" The medic was not one to be intimidated by Gai, but nor was Gai someone who would give up.

"I can hold it for him!" the green clad man announced. "General Hatake knows I wouldn't try to read."

The medic sighed and glanced towards Kakahi. He was obviously in pain, but still held all his focus towards their conversation. He had already said "Give it to me!" as soon as Raido came, clearly stating his opinion on the matter. This was fine, as long as that letter contained good news. But if not…

It was no secret that the most esteemed general slowly was losing his fighting spirit, and to get negative news right now, when his health was at its lowest peak…

Gai stepped forward, cutting off the medic's gaze.

"I can assure you," Gai said in a surprisingly low voice, "that withholding a letter from that person will have more negative effect on the General than anything she may have written."

"She?" The medic raised her eyebrows. It was well-known that the General was a loner, and lonesome, and alone. It would be an uproar had he gotten himself a girlfriend… which was impossible, if not one already being here. He had been out here for war for over seven years after all.

But Gai refused to say anything else. He waited stoically, and within a minute the medic sighed and gave her permission, handing the letter over to Gai.

Ten minutes later she severely regretted it as she saw Kakashi Hatake shakily draw a scarecrow as a sign off at the bottom of a short letter. Gai had bent over to serve as a writing desk and both had clearly hoped to be done before she came back, but still.

The medic's fury made Kakashi realize he had to get better fast if he wanted to be able to read next week's letter, otherwise that would surely be confiscated. Since his Flower had promised not to come, Kakashi looked forward to more bright news.

It didn't matter what she wrote as long as she was safe.

…

_Dearest Scarecrow,_

_I'm heading out to the front lines. _

_I wanted to tell you sooner, but the less time you had to worry the better. I'm sorry I can't keep my promise of staying out of the war. But don't worry – you're well aware I'm a medic second to none except for Slug Queen!_

_I know you don't think war is glamorous, and I understand that, but please understand that I feel proud going to where you are. If only you had given me a clue about what you looked like, I could find you. _

_I will miss our letters very much. _

_Till another, better time._

Kakashi red the small note over and over again, somehow refusing to let the meaning of these stabbing words seep into his mind. Dearest, yes, his very, very dearest, his Flower with pink hair and green eyes, fresh as spring and fiery as hell and not at all supposed to come here!

"Pakkun!"

Kakashi called his most trusted dog and proceeded to rip off the end piece of some sort of important scroll he had pocketed and looked furiously around for something to write with, finding nothing. Pakkun came running. 

"What is it, boss?"

Kakashi remained silent and bit his thumb hard enough to bleed, then dipped a senbon in the blood and wrote a short, but important message:

**Please don't go. I love you.**

Kakashi stared at the message while it dried. In all his years, he couldn't recall another time where he had pleaded and bargained using his love. He had never, or at least not since the loss of his first team, put himself on the spot like that, utterly defenseless. Not allowing himself to even wonder if it would be enough or reach her in time, Kakashi folded the note and fastened it to his loyal friend.

"Kakashi?" Pakkun asked, alarmed by his master's unusual behaviour.

"I need you to run to Konoha and find the apartment where my girl lives and give this to her."

"To Flower?" Pakkun specified, already understanding the circumstances. Kakashi confirmed them.

"Yes, to her. And run fast, Pakkun. She's about to be sent out here."

Pakkun nodded, realizing the depths of Kakashi's fears since it would be more or less impossible to reach Konoha in time. She would more likely already be here when he came there, but Pakkun would still give his all!

The dog took off, and Kakashi remained standing, shaking, and trying to get his bearings.

_Till another, better time_.

Better time, yeah. But not in death. Not in death. Anything, but not in death!

Two days later, Kakashi realized Pakkun had come too late. Tsunade came with her two protégés; the last Uchiha, a sullen boy named Sasuke, and the jinchuuriki, who turned out to be Minato-sensei's son, a personalitywise bright person, if not scholar material. And along with them came Tsunade's one and only apprentice, a young woman named Sakura who happened to be a longtime friend of the possible saviors-to-be.

Of course. Not any flower, but the Sakura itself.

Kakashi should have known.

…

Tsunade stood at the table, leaning forward and thus partly obscured Kakashi's view of Sakura. That annoyed him, and he straightened his slouching back so he could see better with his one visible eye. Ever since the meeting began, his heart had been thumping away in a way too fast pace, as if some part of his mind believed Sakura would look at him and just **know** it was him. Which was impossible; the scarecrow he drew so long ago looked nothing like him and it wasn't likely Sakura would hear his name and react to it; partly because why would she believe he really signed off with his own name in disguise? And partly because she simply wasn't paying attention.

Not that there were much to pay attention to. "Make way for the boys and let them at it" summed it up pretty well. The rest was just a matter of making sure everyone cooperated.

Thus Kakashi ogled Sakura without an ounce of shame.

Her hair seemed wispy; even the tiniest move made it sway vigorously. She glanced up partly beneath hooded eyes, not wanting to meet anyone's gaze yet still acknowledge her surroundings. During the whole meeting, Naruto had constantly turned to her for confirmation – "Nee, Sakura?" "Right, Sakura?" "That's how it was, ask Sakura!", but never followed up with actually waiting for her to answer. She was just so interwoven in Naruto's mind he included her automatically. Sasuke did none of the sort, but anytime someone referred to the heroes-to-be as "the duo" or "the two of them", Sasuke twitched or frowned ever so slightly. Kakashi wondered about that, until Tsunade clarified the matter.

"I will organize the medic filed along with Shizune and Sakura – who is to remain here!" The last part was said with an emphasis and was aimed towards Sakura, Naruto and Sasuke. It was a strange thing to add if there hadn't been discussions before, so clearly it had. Naruto pouted, Sasuke frowned and Sakura clearly grit her teeth, so Tsunade's words reached them alright.

Kakashi realized with a pang of fright that Sakura had intended to join her friends in the frontline. He watched her even closer, wanting to yell at her or scold her. What did she know of war? She said could create earthquakes, but it was so… impossible to believe seeing her sitting there, silent and head bowed down. And more so, hadn't she promised him to not volunteer?

The idea of Sakura facing Madara's creatures and then Madara himself was so scary Kakashi felt his whole body tense up, until he noticed himself and relaxed gradually, forcing himself to cool the fuck down. The he sighed. Actually, since he was one of the generals, he himself would be in the middle of the fray and would most likely be torn to bits again, figuratively and literary speaking, so how could he blame his Flower for wanting the same?

Such bleary thoughts. Especially since she would be back here, somewhat safe. And he would make sure no one could come close enough to hurt her.

The meeting was adjourned, and Kakashi rose slowly, hoping against hope that he may at least walk alongside her a ways, perhaps make some small talk, touch her if even by mistake. But Tsunade called on her to stay and Kakashi had to leave with the rest.

He did not see Sakura again before the battle - except for in his mind's eye.

…...

Kakashi panted furiously and coughed. The air was filled with the stench of war: blood, dirt, soil, piss, sweat… any odor you wouldn't want. And the drizzling, freezing rain refused to let up, coming on as intensely as the creatures Madara had designed.

"Look out!"

Kakashi whirled around in response and fell back on his taijutsu for the close-up battle. Gai was right beside him, matching and then surpassing his speed. Kakashi realized Gai fought for him to be able to back up and use chidori. Using this opportunity, Kakashi and Gai worked as a team and finished off the latest onslaught, keeping a wary eye to their right were the heroes were supposed to show up soon. The strange plant Madara had cooked up was a pretty good landmark, after all.

It may have been hours, or a minute later, when Gai called: "There they are!"

Kakashi ignored his call and focused on his battle. His strength was waning but not yet gone, but he needed to focus if he wanted to keep his battered body intact. The creature he fought wasn't new to battle; it showed. One wrong move and…

"WOHA!"

Kakashi decapitated the creature and quickly set eyes on Gai, worrying he might be hurt or in danger.

"She just punched a chasm open with her fists only! And she's going on a rampage! The boys'll get a free road!"

Kakashi felt his heart stop as he listened to Gai's enthusiastic yet disbelieving narration.

_She…?_

Without further thinking, he charged towards Madara, jumping headfirst down the ledge.. Gai called after him:

"Kakashi! Kakashi, what are you doing? Kakashi!"

Kakashi did not listen. His eyes were set on a small, but distinct pink blotch down in the valley, surrounded by chaos and creatures. Sakura. Sakura, Sakura, Sakura, his Flower.

He had to get to her.

…...

Kakashi woke to an endless sea of pain. It was frightening and awful, but it wasn't the first time, so he remained calm, allowing his body to feel disoriented and hurt. After a while he tried to open his eyes and felt a new sensation – or a new kind of pain – quickly making him shut his left eye again. His finger twitched as a response to his will of cradling his eyes in his hand, but would not act out his wishes.

Kakashi realized two things: he was out of chakra, and he had lost Obito's eye.

No, three things.

He realized they had won too. Otherwise he wouldn't be in a sickbed.

But he did not know if Sakura was alive. And he couldn't ask. He couldn't even move.

Exhausted, Kakashi sank back into oblivion.

…...

It took Kakashi four days to completely wake up, but as soon as he could, he asked about the final fight. Asuma had gone home as soon as he could, eager to finally meet his child, Genma was "celebrating" by not engaging in celibacy and Raido was in charge of body counting and burying. So was Gai, but he was allowed to come visit once in a while.

The story Gai told Kakashi wasn't something he could remember or relate to at all. He remembered seeing Sakura and losing his mind, but after that…? The mindless fights – nothing. The moments Kakashi had joined Naruto and Sasuke in their endeavor. How Madara had deemed him a threat worthy of his attention and then stealing Obito's eye – Kakashi remembered nothing. All he could recall was the image of her green, worried eyed above his face. Kakashi said something along those lines, only very vague, to Gai.

"Sakura-san, yeah. Hokage-sama said you wouldn't have survived if they hadn't both been working on you. Can you believe that girl – taking on Madara's army alone, fighting for hours, then go on healing people for more hours still? She's remarkable youthful!" Gai mused.

"She healed me?" Kakashi needed to ask.

"Yeah." Gai nodded."Tsunade-sama and Sakura-san worked for hours. Tsunade-sama yelled at me for allowing you to get so hurt. What happened anyway? Suddenly you were just gone!"

But Kakashi had already tuned out and was staring at his most precious item: an orange book filled with loving words and a flower.

She must have seen it. If she operated on him, she must have seen it. And if she did…

Then she knows.

Kakashi could only wait and see what she would do.

…

The rest can be red from Sakura's point of view in Wolfy Tales _I found you missing_. This fiction is just a complimentary piece written as homage of sorts.

Have a good read!


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